I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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