My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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