its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
