My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
