My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
