plz talk dirty to me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
