god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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