If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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