she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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