My liver just broke up with me...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
