My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
