dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
