You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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