Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
