I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
