Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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