i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
