Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
