somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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