Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize