I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
