There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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