I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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