Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think I died a long time ago.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
