This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
