I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
