too bad you live with your parents still
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
