I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
