You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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