your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
