I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
