it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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