If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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