Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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