love makes seman taste better
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
