My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
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oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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