he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
