i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
