I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
