You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
