Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
