3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
