So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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