so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
