I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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