before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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