Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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