Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
