:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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