How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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