guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
