Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
