no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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