just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
