I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i love accidental penises.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
