this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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