I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
