my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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