Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
