She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
