there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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