2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you still have your period?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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