just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
