he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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