I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
