I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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