I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
