I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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