I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
where are my eyebrows?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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