I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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