He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
