Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Never underestimate the power of titties
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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