I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
