I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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