If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize