Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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