Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
