Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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